eat. pray. love.

Corey and I went to see this movie tonight, and I give it 5 stars. The pace of the movie was very slow, it seemed odd at sometimes, but I loved it. I can see how a lot of people would not be able to relate to it and hate it, but for me it was enlightening. It was about a lady who had a bad divorce, and decided to take a year away from the life she knew to go find herself. She first went to Rome, then India, and lastly Bali... all the places where I saw such beauty (at least in what the film showed).

My dream for years and years has been to travel. I would love to experience this beautiful world God created for us - I believe that He made it not just for us to live in, but for us to take pleasure in as well.

On the way home, I couldn't help but to have a few tears fall from my eyes. For years my dreams have been filled with traveling, other cultures, and helping people just for the sake of humanity, not to make myself look better. For years, I have been feeling like I was made for more than this. By "this", I mean the American dream.

Just a few weeks ago I was talking with one of Corey's family members. I was telling them how I really felt a connection with Africa and how I really want to go there. Their response was exactly this: "Eww. I don't want to go there and see all of the starving kids with their little protruded bellies". This broke my heart.... it almost literally broke my heart. The more Americans I see like this, the more I want to live for something bigger than myself. Probably about 95% of America is like this, if not more. The whole, "wow, that's terrible" then immediately going back to eating your dinner and never thinking another thing about it... there is something terribly wrong with that. When I told Corey about it, he had a very wise response. He said that people like that don't want to go to places like that because they don't want to change; they don't want to give up the lifestyle they now have. They know that if they see how other people in the very same world they live in live, they will almost be forced to change... to feel something for someone else and they like their life and they like their selfishness; it is what they are accustomed to.

Jesus -
Please do not let me get hardhearted; please keep my heart soft and flexible and after You. I want to know you so that I can feel your leading on my life. I know that one day I will "leave footprints on this world" like my husband told me tonight. As you know, that is one of my biggest fears - to leave no footprints on this world and for there to be no one that was changed by knowing me. I know I'm just a plain girl who makes a lot of mistakes and treats a lot of people badly and who doesn't read her bible every day. Thank you for your grace on me and my life. Thank you for never turning away from me. Thank you for giving me faith and hope for the future when I look around and see no reason to hope. I have hope - but I'm scared; I believe that I will do great things throughout my life, but I'm still scared. Please take away the fear and fill it with security. Jesus - I don't want to have a showy life or lifestyle - I don't want people to look at me and think I have it all together and everything figured out. I'm as confused as the next person, but I do know one thing - Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. Who he was in the bible days is who He is now - he will always fight for me and always love me, he will always be honest and always be on my side.


This song, Red Eyes by Switchfoot is my anthem for the night. Thanks for reading.